had a pretty relaxing weekend. last night i cooked up some homemade gnocchi for a few friends...drank some wine...had a nice time.
now i'm sitting around, watching re-runs of CSI...reading through my emails and getting ready to answer some, always interesting, questions...
Question:
Explain how to use a female condom, and give opinion on if they are better/worse to use than a male condom?
-anonymous
Answer:
hahaa! female condom? i have to say, i'm not that modern. i've seen one of those things once..and it nearly scared my hoo-hoo into hibernation...it's so...i don't know...big! weird! abnormal! it looks like a jellyfish! i wouldn't know how to use one if it slapped me in the...well...you get the point. i'm sorry that i can't be of further assistance on this one..but...i'm "old fashioned" in that arena. when it comes down to carnal knowledge....the only knowledge i have is of trojan man.
--Lethal Lady
Monday, March 31, 2008
In Confidence
so i was having a conversation the other night with a considerably younger friend of mine...about confidence. we were discussing whether confidence is learned by experiences...or if it's just something inside of someone, and can be realized at any time.
it's an interesting question to ponder. and i have been thinking about it since our chat. my friend was saying that i have so much confidence because of my age...i've lived life, learned a lot, and grown into a self-assured woman.
of course, i do believe that experiences help to shape the person you are...and i do think that life helps you to realize your value. but in saying that..i also think that you can realize your value at any age. i know women (and men) at 30 years old who have more confidence than i could ever imagine having.
it's such an interesting topic..any opinions out there?
"When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things." - Joe Namath
it's an interesting question to ponder. and i have been thinking about it since our chat. my friend was saying that i have so much confidence because of my age...i've lived life, learned a lot, and grown into a self-assured woman.
of course, i do believe that experiences help to shape the person you are...and i do think that life helps you to realize your value. but in saying that..i also think that you can realize your value at any age. i know women (and men) at 30 years old who have more confidence than i could ever imagine having.
it's such an interesting topic..any opinions out there?
"When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things." - Joe Namath
Saturday, March 29, 2008
N-32 O-66
Question:
my girlfriends and i go out a couple times a week to well, meet men. there are a couple of night clubs we frequent but it gets expensive after a while. we're all widows on fixed incomes.
where can we go that wouldn't be as expensive or better yet free! please don't say church bingo!
-carla
Answer:
great question, carla. don't worry, i wouldn't be caught dead at church bingo. please. if i died, and someone brought me to church bingo...my body would spontaneously rise up, walk out, and die again on the sidewalk. believe me.
so...i'm going to give you a few secrets to living lethal...like i do. you know i'm on a fixed income as well. any money that i do make from working is spent on my lawyer, trying to settle this perpetual divorce case. (don't get me started on that one...) so...of course, my first tip is to let the guys you meet at these night clubs, bars, etc..buy you drinks. i mean, you can go all night never having to open your purse. are you actually talking to people when you and your friends go out? or are you sitting around waiting for someone to come to you. it's 2008 darlin'...sometimes you gotta make the first move.
now...have you heard of a little place called starbucks? i mean...coffee shops are the new bar. everyone goes there. sit in the high backed chair...and smile at that man across the table from you with his laptop. for $1.87 and very slow sipping, you can get at least an hour or more of relatively cheap attention.
of course...you can always take a lover...if you find the right kind (rich, handsome, horny, unattached)...BINGO.
--Lethal Lady
my girlfriends and i go out a couple times a week to well, meet men. there are a couple of night clubs we frequent but it gets expensive after a while. we're all widows on fixed incomes.
where can we go that wouldn't be as expensive or better yet free! please don't say church bingo!
-carla
Answer:
great question, carla. don't worry, i wouldn't be caught dead at church bingo. please. if i died, and someone brought me to church bingo...my body would spontaneously rise up, walk out, and die again on the sidewalk. believe me.
so...i'm going to give you a few secrets to living lethal...like i do. you know i'm on a fixed income as well. any money that i do make from working is spent on my lawyer, trying to settle this perpetual divorce case. (don't get me started on that one...) so...of course, my first tip is to let the guys you meet at these night clubs, bars, etc..buy you drinks. i mean, you can go all night never having to open your purse. are you actually talking to people when you and your friends go out? or are you sitting around waiting for someone to come to you. it's 2008 darlin'...sometimes you gotta make the first move.
now...have you heard of a little place called starbucks? i mean...coffee shops are the new bar. everyone goes there. sit in the high backed chair...and smile at that man across the table from you with his laptop. for $1.87 and very slow sipping, you can get at least an hour or more of relatively cheap attention.
of course...you can always take a lover...if you find the right kind (rich, handsome, horny, unattached)...BINGO. --Lethal Lady
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Honesty Isn't Always the Best Policy...
so i'm standing with a coworker yesterday. she had obviously just gotten something done to her hair. it was a new look. and not a very good one. i hadn't mentioned the new "do"...and she hadn't asked. it was perfect.
so another person walks over. and starts commenting on her hair...how good it looks, how pretty, blah blah blah. and they have the nerve to pull me into the conversation. i was trying to slink away....trying to step backwards until i was out of the conversation. and he pulled me back into it. asking me straight out, didn't i think it looked great?
and i said nothing.
nothing
i didn't know what to do. i couldn't lie...i couldn't tell the truth. i just...well..froze. and stood there. and looked at her bad hair. and she looked at me, looking at her bad hair.
and it was awful.
so, here's the thing....is honesty the best policy? should i have lied? should i have told her that it looked great, she was hot, all that crap that people want to hear? probably. but i can't find it in myself to do that. i compliment when it's deserved...not just because someone changed something about their look, or bought a new shirt, or whatever. i'm not going to be that person who smiles and blindly gives out compliments. i just can't do it.
if you want a friend like that, don't come to me. if you want the truth. well...here i am.
so another person walks over. and starts commenting on her hair...how good it looks, how pretty, blah blah blah. and they have the nerve to pull me into the conversation. i was trying to slink away....trying to step backwards until i was out of the conversation. and he pulled me back into it. asking me straight out, didn't i think it looked great?and i said nothing.
nothing
i didn't know what to do. i couldn't lie...i couldn't tell the truth. i just...well..froze. and stood there. and looked at her bad hair. and she looked at me, looking at her bad hair.
and it was awful.
so, here's the thing....is honesty the best policy? should i have lied? should i have told her that it looked great, she was hot, all that crap that people want to hear? probably. but i can't find it in myself to do that. i compliment when it's deserved...not just because someone changed something about their look, or bought a new shirt, or whatever. i'm not going to be that person who smiles and blindly gives out compliments. i just can't do it.
if you want a friend like that, don't come to me. if you want the truth. well...here i am.
Yawn.
did i mention that i don't yawn when other people yawn. "everyone" says that "everyone" catches yawns.
sitting across the table from someone yawning, you probably ended up yawning. talking on the phone to someone yawning, you probably end up yawning. i bet that reading this...me saying yawn over and and over again (yawn yawn yawn yawn)...you're probably going to end up yawning.
but i don't.
i don't yawn. i mean, i yawn, but only when i am tired. i don't catch yawns from other people.
so i looked into it. and i found out that "experiments suggest that contagious yawning is related to a person's self-awareness and ability to see things from another person's view"...basically people with empathy, catch yawns. and...did i mention that i don't... so does this mean that i don't have empathy? i mean...i'm sitting here (not yawning) trying to think back to a time when i felt empathetic for someone. some time when i felt someone else's pain, in my own heart and body and soul. a time when i put myself into someone else's shoes, realized what they were going through...
um. achem. yawn. oops. i think i got bored.
sitting across the table from someone yawning, you probably ended up yawning. talking on the phone to someone yawning, you probably end up yawning. i bet that reading this...me saying yawn over and and over again (yawn yawn yawn yawn)...you're probably going to end up yawning.
but i don't.
i don't yawn. i mean, i yawn, but only when i am tired. i don't catch yawns from other people.
so i looked into it. and i found out that "experiments suggest that contagious yawning is related to a person's self-awareness and ability to see things from another person's view"...basically people with empathy, catch yawns. and...did i mention that i don't... so does this mean that i don't have empathy? i mean...i'm sitting here (not yawning) trying to think back to a time when i felt empathetic for someone. some time when i felt someone else's pain, in my own heart and body and soul. a time when i put myself into someone else's shoes, realized what they were going through...
um. achem. yawn. oops. i think i got bored.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Nasty Girls Need Advice Too...
Question:
Please , LL, tell me EXACTLY how to give a man the best blow job he ever had.
-Zena
Answer:
well well. i've been waiting for a question of this type. i knew it would come. you all have been waaaay too nice up to this point. honestly, i don’t like to “blow and tell”…as it were….so you’re not getting any juicy gossip from me. sorry darling...try again...somewhere else.
--Lethal Lady
Monday, March 24, 2008
Happy Easter!
spent my easter weekend cooking and eating. friday and saturday i pretty much spent getting ready for the big family easter that we always have. then we ate and ate and ate. and ate. easter's a great holiday. it makes me happy because spring is finally here...and it's just bright and cheery and so...pastel. plus the ham, lamb, pineapple stuffing, carrot cake...who could complain about that delicious food! oh, yeh, and i guess i should mention that my good catholic upbringing has ingrained the importance of the holiday into my brain, too!
so, i got a question from a girl named renea. and it's not very springy or easter bunny-ish...but it's a question that needs to be answered...so...here you go.
Question:
My father died recently, and while it was very sad, it was long-expected. I'd like nothing more than for my mother to go on with her life and find new love--she's still gorgeous and young, at 60--but I'm not sure how to bring it up in a way that doesn't sound trashy. Any thoughts?
-Renea
Answer:
well, renea, i'm very sorry for your loss. you're mom is going through a lot right now...before you push her into anything she's going to be uncomfortable about, make sure you talk to her. ask her how she's doing, if she needs to talk about your father...or about anything at all.
if you have a good relationship with you mother, you'll know if she's ready. and when she is...i think that you can easily bring this kind of thing up in conversation. tell her that you think she's beautiful, and young, and that she deserves to be happy. also, let her know that you are ok with her dating, if she wants to. one of her big hang-ups may be that she doesn't want to hurt you! offer to go out with her...it's going to be hard for her to get back into the dating scene...she may need your advice! the more supportive you are of her, the happier she'll be.
--Lethal Lady
Friday, March 21, 2008
Hard...bodies, that is.
i've received a lot of questions asking how i keep in such good shape...just a few below...
Question:
Do you work out? What's your secret?
-Thom
Question:
I've never had to worry about my weight. I eat sensibly and stay fairly active, but I've noticed that it's becoming much harder to maintain my figure. What do you do to stay so trim?
-Brandy, Philadelphia
Question:
Have you ever tried strip-aerobics?
-"L"
Answer:
well...i'm not sure that any of you are going to like my answer on this one...mostly because my answer is...it's in the jeans...er, i mean genes. honestly, as you may have noticed, i live pretty much on a diet of martinis, wine and restaurant food. i've got my "special men" taking me out to dinner four/five nights out of the week (if only they'd start paying my bills...ugh!)...
i walk around the city a lot...though i'm not sure stiletto miles count as "exercise"...
i haven't tried strip aerobics...but i have been known to strip...if the moment is right. of course, i'd call what comes after the stripping the "exercise"...that's when we're working up a sweat.
--Lethal Lady
Question:
Do you work out? What's your secret?
-Thom
Question:
I've never had to worry about my weight. I eat sensibly and stay fairly active, but I've noticed that it's becoming much harder to maintain my figure. What do you do to stay so trim?
-Brandy, Philadelphia
Question:
Have you ever tried strip-aerobics?
-"L"
Answer:
well...i'm not sure that any of you are going to like my answer on this one...mostly because my answer is...it's in the jeans...er, i mean genes. honestly, as you may have noticed, i live pretty much on a diet of martinis, wine and restaurant food. i've got my "special men" taking me out to dinner four/five nights out of the week (if only they'd start paying my bills...ugh!)...
i walk around the city a lot...though i'm not sure stiletto miles count as "exercise"...
i haven't tried strip aerobics...but i have been known to strip...if the moment is right. of course, i'd call what comes after the stripping the "exercise"...that's when we're working up a sweat.
--Lethal Lady
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Let's Get Serious
i went to pick up coffee this morning at my corner "WhoreBucks"...ordered my latte and glazed Doughnut and paid (with a gift card i found in my purse, no less)...so i probably waited a whole 3 minutes for my latte, and even less time for my doughnut. but when i went to pay the guy at the counter, he gave me a "free coffee" coupon...and said "hope your day gets better."
rewind.
i woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. despite the rain, i knew that today was going to end up being a beautiful spring-like day. when i did my hair today, it came out perfectly. i mean it. like...movie star perfect...like...hair-show perfect. not a straggler or a split end. i got dressed feeling good...feeling flawless...and headed to get breakfast.
fast forward.
"hope your day gets better." what??? my day is fine!! honestly!! ok, i didnt say that. i just smiled and put the free coffee coupon in my purse. but i lingered. i stood at condiments counter (do you call them condiments in a coffee shop?) even though i certainly didn't need to add milk to the latte (definition: a drink made by adding a shot of espresso to a glass or cup of frothy hot or steamed milk)...but i wanted to see if this coupon was given out to anyone else.
i stood...sad to say...for a good 5-6 customers. no free coffees. not one. just me.
so...the questions lie with me. what makes me different? was the barista flirting with me? he was young...fairly attractive...not quite out of my league...(meaning, he wasn't under 20)... did i really look like i was having a bad day? i mean...how could i. i look perfect! (did i mention that?).
not that i begrudge the free coffee. please, i'll probably use the coupon this afternoon....but i want to know. why?
any thoughts?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Do I Have to Keep Counting?
so. i'm making a commitment. i'm going to try to blog every day. i know that a lot of you (quiet as you are on the blog) have been asking me why i'm not updating more often. i'm sorry...dear reader...i will try to do so.
i received a question this morning, which i think is just great...so i'm going to share.
Question:
So you are really lethal? To all men or just some?
- Joe
Answer:
of course i'm Lethal...have you not seen my pictures, my previous posts, my everything? well, you haven't seen my everything...but...close enough. anyway...i am lethal. but not in the way that i'm leaving a string of men in my wake. i was always the "good girl"...married....simple...i did what was expected. but when i was heartbroken, and left pretty much penniless by that no good...well...anyway...left to fend for myself...i've adapted, i've become more independent. i've become a confident woman who can take care of herself...someone who finally figured out that i'm good enough to just be who i am....and that's what makes me lethal. if you have a problem with it. well...you know what to do. must i remind you?
--Lethal Lady
i received a question this morning, which i think is just great...so i'm going to share.
Question:
So you are really lethal? To all men or just some?
- Joe
Answer:
of course i'm Lethal...have you not seen my pictures, my previous posts, my everything? well, you haven't seen my everything...but...close enough. anyway...i am lethal. but not in the way that i'm leaving a string of men in my wake. i was always the "good girl"...married....simple...i did what was expected. but when i was heartbroken, and left pretty much penniless by that no good...well...anyway...left to fend for myself...i've adapted, i've become more independent. i've become a confident woman who can take care of herself...someone who finally figured out that i'm good enough to just be who i am....and that's what makes me lethal. if you have a problem with it. well...you know what to do. must i remind you?
--Lethal Lady
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Question 5..and Update
so...updates first! i'm tired today. i watched about 7 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation shows in a row yesterday, didn't do much else...and then got caught up in the HBO Miniseries John Adams. seriously....i sat around my house all day long, and i'm still tired. ugh. it's been a long two weeks!
i was in miami for a few days. it was beautiful weather. 70's and sunny every day. i got a bit of a tan...just enough to make everyone back here i philly jealous (as if they weren't already?)...
i'm actually glad to be home. of course...i came home to a big pile of bills, and a flooded basement. but why complain, no one listens to that anyway....
well, that's about it. i'm sitting here again tonight...drinking a cup of hot tea...typing away....watching dirty dancing on showtime or something...i think i'm kind of just glad to be home. i don't really want to do anything but sit in my house.
maybe tomorrow i'll hit the town again. probably.
ok. definitely....you all know me too well.
Question:
Have you ever had any plastic surgery? I'm thinking about getting a face lift, but am scared. My friends suggest botox, but I think I'm too far gone. If I'm going to do it, I have to go all the way. Anyway, you look great, so, have you gotten any work done?
-Wrinkle Puss
Answer:
dear wrinkle puss, i have to say, i haven't gotten any work done...fortunately for me, i've been blessed with incredible genes. but i'm all for it. if you need a little help, then why not get it? if your friends recommend botox, maybe you should consider it. if you have good friends, they won't lie to you, right? so trust them...ask them...do you really need to go in whole hog, or can you afford to just get the needle? either way, if it's going to make you feel better, younger, prettier, sexier, whatever...then go for it. because confidence is the most important part of being lethal!
--Lethal Lady
i was in miami for a few days. it was beautiful weather. 70's and sunny every day. i got a bit of a tan...just enough to make everyone back here i philly jealous (as if they weren't already?)...
i'm actually glad to be home. of course...i came home to a big pile of bills, and a flooded basement. but why complain, no one listens to that anyway....
well, that's about it. i'm sitting here again tonight...drinking a cup of hot tea...typing away....watching dirty dancing on showtime or something...i think i'm kind of just glad to be home. i don't really want to do anything but sit in my house.
maybe tomorrow i'll hit the town again. probably.
ok. definitely....you all know me too well.
Question:
Have you ever had any plastic surgery? I'm thinking about getting a face lift, but am scared. My friends suggest botox, but I think I'm too far gone. If I'm going to do it, I have to go all the way. Anyway, you look great, so, have you gotten any work done?
-Wrinkle Puss
Answer:
dear wrinkle puss, i have to say, i haven't gotten any work done...fortunately for me, i've been blessed with incredible genes. but i'm all for it. if you need a little help, then why not get it? if your friends recommend botox, maybe you should consider it. if you have good friends, they won't lie to you, right? so trust them...ask them...do you really need to go in whole hog, or can you afford to just get the needle? either way, if it's going to make you feel better, younger, prettier, sexier, whatever...then go for it. because confidence is the most important part of being lethal!
--Lethal Lady
Thursday, March 13, 2008
home, home at last
i've been out of commission for the past two weeks. i had some things i had to do, and was away from home part of the time. but i'm back now. in cold wintry philadelphia, where i belong.
i've got a million emails to go through, a million questions to answer...and hopefully...tomorrow night (Thurs 7-9 pm) a million people to chat with?
i've got a million emails to go through, a million questions to answer...and hopefully...tomorrow night (Thurs 7-9 pm) a million people to chat with?
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